Waiting for Rain
by poetryismyfirstlove
Summary: Modern day AU, OOC. Katniss: He was my friend's bestfriend. I thought it was okay for me to like him then. Until I learned my friend liked him too. It was already too late. So I chose to pull back, hiding my feelings behind a curtain of rain. (I've published this story before for a different fandom but since falling in love with KxP, I thought why not write for them?)
1. Chapter 1 Waiting for Rain

KATNISS

He was my friend's bestfriend. I thought it was okay for me to like him then.

Until I learned my friend liked him too. It was already too late.

He was too nice, too much for my liking but he won me over.

Only he can't be mine. How, when I feel a wall between us that I can never cross?

And that wall happened to be my friend and his bestfriend nonetheless. And that wall happens to like him too.

So I chose to pull back, hiding my feelings even if it hurts me.

I am happy with the small moments we'd have without her. Passing each other in the corridors and giving each other small smiles, talking to each other when no one else is looking.

I treasure my stolen moments with him, even if it's just for a while.

* * *

I saw them earlier in the cafeteria talking happily. She asked me to join them, but I declined saying I'm busy.

"Hey Katniss, come join Peeta and me" she said.

"Sorry, Madge, I can't. I still have a test later. I need to study" I said, excusing myself.

I saw him look at me, with those blue eyes that always takes my breath away.

Did I imagine him looking disappointed? Must be.

* * *

The sky's a lonely shade of gray

_Looks like my kind of day_

The wind blows cold and freezing

_Numbing every feeling_

A flash of lightning, a thunder's rumble

_Reflecting my inner struggle_

It's after classes now. I look to the sky and it was all gray. I feel the cold wind and let it envelop me. Lightning streaks the sky as the thunder roll follows.

Then drops of rain hit the ground

One by one they make a sound

Together they make a blurry curtain

_Where I hide to ease my pain_

It's raining. The weather seems to cooperate with my depressed mood. I don't know how to cry but the heavens seem to be doing it for me.

* * *

I was heading home when I saw him approaching me, alone.

"Hey Katniss! Are you going home?" he asked me.

"Oh Peeta!, hello. Yes, I'm on my way home." I said.

"Where is Madge?" I asked since I did not see her. I was searching the depths of my bag for my umbrella.

"She went home already." He said by way of explanation.

"Do you have an umbrella? It's raining quite hard" he said sounding concerned, holding his umbrella.

How can I resist? "I don't have any" I lied then stopped searching for it in my bag.

"Oh! We could share mine. Your house is not far from my way so I could drop you off" he said smiling at me.

"Okay" I said, smiling back. I hope the heavens forgive me for lying and for stealing a moment with him.

* * *

We were walking under the rain sharing his umbrella. I was careful not to get too close to him, afraid I might give myself away.

It was fun being with him. We talked freely about school stuff, family, plans for the future and all other things we find interesting and funny.

But not about her. And I suddenly feel guilty.

But when he smiles I forget. I love that I could make him smile and laugh.

"You know. You're really funny. I don't know anyone with your sense of humor. You should hang out with us often" he said.

Ouch!

"Hey! I'm not your personal clown." I said "Besides, I'm not funny all the time. I tend to have mood swings too. You wouldn't like me when I'm grumpy."

"But I am also moody except I'm not half as funny as you." He said.

"Well, I am not half as nice as you" I said.

He chuckled at my declaration. "Okay, okay we'd better stop depreciating ourselves to each other" he said.

I gave him an awkward smile. We were silent after that, that's when I became aware that we were now walking much closer to each other.

I can't help but feel my heart beat fast. "Can he hear it?" I thought.

If my heart could beat any faster it must have. Our arms brushed each other and I felt a jolt of electricity run through me.

I now know what sweet torture feels like.

* * *

I was disappointed to see my house nearing, knowing my time with him would soon be over.

"Why can't my house be farther?" I thought.

We were soon standing outside my gate.

"We're here" he announced.

"Thank you, Peeta."

"It's my pleasure. I'll be going ahead" he said.

"Goodbye and take care" I said, adding the last 2 words with all the feelings my heart could not express.

"Yeah, you too. Until next time" he said.

"Until next time." My heart fervently wished.

* * *

I used to think that rain was the heavens' way of crying. But now I look at it differently. Thanking the rain for giving me this moment.

I wait for rain, my dependable friend

_ Help me when it's time to pretend_


	2. Chapter 2 Until Next Time

PEETA

She was my bestfriend's friend. She was nice, smart and funny. I thought it was okay to like her.

Until I noticed her withdrawing from me, as if there was an invisible wall between us.

I would be happy if we'd pass by each other and she'd smile at me, or talk to me when I can get her alone; when she would let her guard down.

I wanted to get to know her, spend time with her, even for just a while.

* * *

I saw her earlier in the cafeteria her head deep in a book, her hair in her usual braid.

My bestfriend asked her to join us, but she declined saying she's busy.

"Hey Katniss, come join Peeta and me" she said.

"Sorry, Madge, I can't. I still have a test later. I need to study" she said.

I was disappointed, thinking she was avoiding me again.

I saw her look at me, with those gray eyes that always take my breath away.

Did she look sad? I wonder.

* * *

It was time to go home. I bade my bestfriend goodbye.

The sky was overcast. I smell rain coming and felt the coldness in the wind. Suddenly, lightning struck followed by the rumble of thunder.

Then raindrops fell and formed sheets of pouring water.

I saw her alone, looking as gloomy as the sky, watching the rain fall.

I decided to approach her, praying that she did not have an umbrella.

"Hey Katniss! Are you going home?" I asked her.

"Oh Peeta!, hello. Yes, I'm on my way home." she said.

"Where is Madge?" she asked while rummaging inside her bag.

"She went home already." I said.

"Do you have an umbrella? It's raining quite hard" I said, hoping I could offer her mine.

"I don't have any" she said giving up searching her bag.

"Oh! We could share mine. Your house is not far from my way so I could drop you off" I said, all smiles that luck was on my side.

"Okay" she said, flashing me her smile.

* * *

We were walking under the rain sharing my umbrella. I was aware of her presence, her scent filling my senses.

It was fun being with her. We talked about school and other stuff.

She could crack me up with her humor. I like her this way, when she's not guarded.

"You know. You're really funny. I don't know anyone with your sense of humor. You should hang out with us often" I said, hoping she'd accept my invitation.

"Hey! I'm not your personal clown." she said

"Did she just reject me?" I thought.

"Besides, I'm not funny all the time. I tend to have mood swings too. You wouldn't like me when I'm grumpy."

But I like you even when you're grumpy. "But I am also moody except I'm not half as funny as you." I said.

"Well, I am not half as nice as you" she retorted.

I chuckled at her declaration. "Okay, okay we'd better stop depreciating ourselves to each other" I said.

She gave me an awkward smile. We were silent after that. And then as though gravity was pulling us, I felt that we were now walking closer to each other.

Our arms brushed each other. I feel as if thunder is rumbling in my chest and lightning coursing through my veins. How could she affect me this way?

* * *

I was disappointed to see her house nearing, knowing my time with her would soon be cut short.

"Why can't her house be farther?" I thought.

"We're here" I announced as we stood outside her gate, hiding my disappointment.

"Thank you, Peeta." she said.

"It's my pleasure. I'll be going ahead" I said.

"Goodbye and take care" she said. I have never seen her with so much warmth in her eyes.

"Yeah. You too. Until next time" I said.

I turned my back and left, the cold rain was continuing to pour but inside I felt warm, hoping that there will be a next time.


	3. Chapter 3 Draught

KATNISS

It seems like rain is a fickle friend.

We never had a chance to walk in the rain again, sharing an umbrella.

Rainy days have gone and our stolen moments are slowly dwindling.

* * *

I feel guilty everyday hearing my friend talk about him, how much she likes him.

"Katniss, I really like Peeta. What should I do? He is my bestfriend" Madge asked me in confidence one day.

"Why don't you tell him then" I said.

Why is she bothering me with such questions. Can she not decide for herself? She already has the upper hand being his bestfriend and all. My jealous heart was acting up.

"You really think I should?" she asked again.

Why bother asking then? But despite of my jealousy, I decided to be a friend to her.

"Well, it depends on how you look at the situation. It would be great if he feels the same way about you but could you risk losing him as your bestfriend if things don't go well with your confession?"

"But not saying anything at all is cowardly right? I could not live with myself knowing I did not try everything I could for the person I like. I'd feel better saying what I feel even if I come out empty handed" she said.

"There now, you have your answer then" I said.

"Thanks Katniss, for listening and for the advice. You are such a good friend" she said and hugged me.

I hugged her and patted her back. "Goodluck" I said.

Am I a good friend? I don't know. Friends don't stab each others back. And so I decided to back down.

I admired her courage. Maybe she deserves him more than me. Because I am a coward and because I can live with my life not speaking up for the person I like.

* * *

What is with me and troubled souls? I seem to attract them like bee to honey. I could probably open up shop for people with love dilemmas and make a fortune.

Peeta came to me one day asking for advice.

"Katniss, can I ask you something?"

Shoot! What does he want? "What about?" I asked curious of what he wants to say.

"Well, you seemed like someone I could talk to. I have a problem, it's about a girl." He said shyly.

Oh! a girl. It figures. "Why? What's wrong?"

"You see I like a girl and I don't know if she likes me back" he said.

He already likes a girl, I didn't know. "Is this girl close to you?"

"Yes. But I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that if I tell her I might ruin our friendship" he said.

So he likes her back. I felt something plummet in my tummy. "Then maybe you shouldn't" I said, jealousy is rearing its ugly head again. Thinking of the two of them together, I tried to fight back the tears.

"But what if we were meant to be?" he said.

"Then wait for her to tell you she likes you" I said. Because she will.

"Isn't confessing a man's job?" he said.

"In this instance, when you are afraid to risk your friendship with her then wait for her to give you a sign that your feelings are reciprocated."

"You think so?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, it's the best way to save face in case she doesn't" I said trying to kid around.

"Hey! I'm being serious here" he said.

"When you're meant to be, you're meant to be. Love always finds a way" I said.

"Thank you. I'll trust your words" he said.

"Sure. What are friends for?" I said.

What are friends for? I am stepping back for the two of them, wishing them all the happiness, forsaking mine.

* * *

PEETA

I was so confused with her hot and cold demeanor. I decided to seek her to figure her out in the guise of asking for advice.

"Katniss, can I ask you something?" I said.

"What about?" she asked with curiousity written all over her face.

I felt embarrassed to tell her "Well, you seemed like someone I could talk to. I have a problem, it's about a girl."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You see I like a girl and I don't know if she likes me back" I said, but what I actually meant was I like you but I don't know if you like me too.

"Is this girl close to you?" she asked.

Has she guessed it? "Yes. But I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that if I tell her I might ruin our friendship" I said.

"Then maybe you shouldn't" she said.

Is she serious? Is she testing me? "But what if we were meant to be?" I said, anticipating her answer.

"Then wait for her to tell you she likes you" she said.

Is she really planning on making things difficult for me? "Isn't confessing a man's job?" I said.

"In this instance, when you are afraid to risk your friendship with her then wait for her to give you a sign that your feelings are reciprocated." She said

"You think so?" I asked uncertainly. Would she really?

"Yeah, it's the best way to save face in case she doesn't" she said trying to kid around.

"Yah! I'm being serious here" I said, frustrated of her denseness.

"When you're meant to be, you're meant to be. Love always finds a way" she said.

"Thank you. I'll trust your words" I said, hoping she is right.

"Sure. What are friends for?" she said.

I winced. She didn't know she hurt me already.

* * *

KATNISS

I saw them again about a week later, they looked happy together. I decided to avoid them, to make the pain easier to bear. That day I lost 2 friends and the boy I like.

It looks like the time for rain is over. Another friend has ditched me.

Love is running a dry spell.


	4. Chapter 4 Untouchable

_I close my eyes and I see you_

_I reach out to touch you_

_But you're gone,_

_Along with my dreams_

_In real life, you're too near to touch_

_But I could not just reach out_

_How could I?_

_When there is a wall between us_

_Too high and too thick _

_And that wall happens _

_to like you too._

* * *

Being a good friend does not work for me. I suck at it. And I feel suckier that I know I'm the one who chose this suckiness.

I have become so good at hiding my feelings; only if I could hide myself too.

I thought it would be easy to avoid them since the school is big and we are in different classes. But I was wrong and I still manage to see them together. They would try to invite me to sit with them or come with them but I always refuse.

It seems I have to give up eating and not go to the canteen, give up reading and not go to the library. What more could I give up?

If this goes on I would need a new planet.

* * *

Still, I see him freely in my dreams. In my dreams there is only me and him. There we could be like what we were before. There I could be me.

In my dreams, it rained constantly and we walked side by side sharing an umbrella. We'd talk a lot and laugh a lot. He'd look at me and smile. And I would look at him and smile back.

My dreams would end differently each time. Sometimes he'd take me home just like before. Sometimes he'd tell me he likes me. Sometimes I'd tell him I like him. Sometimes the rain would just go on and we'd continue to walk hand in hand.

But come morning, when the sun's up, the rain would stop and I would wake up to reality that it was just a dream.

* * *

It took 3 months before they learned to stop inviting me. They must be tired of me already after that.

Now, a month has passed since we have stopped talking. Nowadays, when we would pass by each other, he would keep his head bowed or straight ahead and not look at me, while my friend would try to give me a faint smile.

I want to say I don't care anymore but I can't. Him ignoring me hurts a lot. It hurts more than when I see him happy with her.

God! I miss those blue eyes.

I could take hate; just even a hint of anger in his eyes directed at me would suffice. At least I would know that I mattered something to him, enough for him to hate me.

But indifference is worse, like I didn't matter. Apathy is hell, frozen over. Everything left cold and bitter.

* * *

I ask myself why I am affected this way. I have never been the type to wallow excessively with guy-related rantings yet here I am spending too much thought on him.

I know I like him but surely not-

My heart was beating fast _lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub_

Love?

* * *

We were nearing the end of the school year when Madge approached me.

"Hi, Katniss! It's been a long time. How have you been?" she asked me.

"Okay, I guess. I've just been busy with academics." I said.

"We're you avoiding Peeta and me? Are we that bothersome to you?" she asked.

"Of course not! Where did you get that idea?" I said defensively. "I just really wanted to top my exams so I decided to lay low for a while and concentrate on my studies. You know how much I need to keep my GPA. Besides, we're from different classes so the opportunity to hang out and study is out of the question."

"Oh good! Cause we've missed you." she said. "Want to hang out with us?"

She keeps on using the word WE. "Ah…I can't. I don't want to be the third wheel."

"It'll be just like the old times." She said.

"But I'm taking up summer classes." I tried to make an excuse.

"You are such a nerd. Well, if you change your mind, just call me okay?" she said looking concerned.

"Okay" I said reluctantly. "Uhmm…about what we've talked before, have you?" I was too shy to ask so I left the question hanging.

"I've already told him" she said.

"And?" I was holding my breath.

"Let's just say I'm contented and happy." She said.

"Oh!" was all I could say. So there goes the truth. I have already guessed it but still hearing it is like rubbing salt on fresh wound.

"Don't be a stranger. Remember, we are friends." she said before she walked away.

As I watched her retreating back, I saw Ji waiting for her down the corridor.

I turned around and walked the other direction, away from them, before the tears start falling.

* * *

I used to think that my friend was the wall dividing us, maybe at first. But my cowardice and silence has cost me this. I have made my own wall, more hurtful than what my friend could ever be. I have known love then lost it.

The wall has served its purpose. Peeta has become untouchable.

_Silence envelop me without end _

_Nothing but infinite agony_

_A bottomless pit_

_That swallows my heart_

_And from which _

_Only hope could escape_


	5. Chapter 5 Disclosure

PEETA

I was surprised one day by my Madge's confession.

"Peeta, I have always been honest with you, right?" she asked me one day.

"Sure. Why?" wondering where this conversation was heading.

"I've been dishonest with myself lately, and I have decided to come clean and say it." She said.

"Okay, go on, spill" I said. What could she possibly say to shock me?

"I like you."

Okay, maybe that will do. "Thanks" I said. Did I just say that?

"Is that all?"

"Umm…yeah" I said, hoping I didn't sound like a jerk. Was she waiting for a long explanation? I don't want to hurt her. We've known each other since we were 10 and she's like the sister I've never had.

"You don't want to talk about it so I won't get hurt right?" she asked.

She really was perceptive. "I just think that there is someone better than me for you out there." I said

"Better than you? I doubt it. You really are a good guy, you know? Must be why I liked you. But don't worry I'm cool with it. I might wallow a little but I'll be fine. I'm just relieved I was able to say it" she said.

"So are we still friends?" she asked.

"Bestfriends" I said. "Come, I'll treat you to ice cream and help you forget that worthless guy."

She laughed at my attempt to joke. "If I knew ice cream treats were involved, I would've told you sooner and moved on earlier" she joked.

And the world was right again between us. We would just be best of friends.

* * *

What is with Katniss? She seems to be avoiding us on purpose.

When she would arrive at a place and notice us she'd immediately back out and leave or if we see her first and invite her, she'd refuse and say she's busy.

She'd constantly turn down Madge's invitation to join us. It's been 3 months, my bestfriend has decided that maybe we should give her time and space. Maybe something was bothering her and it'll pass.

Then it occurred to me, has she found out I liked her? Is that why she is avoiding me? Is this the sign she what she was talking about?

If I am reading it right then this must mean she doesn't like me. Maybe she didn't know how to say it and helped me save face. Still, I wished I've told her how I felt.

Because the way things are, I lost a friend even before I could tell her I liked her.

* * *

It's been a month of silence between us. I am not enjoying this one bit. I miss her terribly. But I am trying hard to suppress my feelings for her. I don't want to scare her farther away from me.

I don't want to ignore her but when we pass by each other, I look down or straight ahead avoiding seeing her face. Seeing her gray eyes will be my undoing.

Because I don't know what I might do if I did.

For the few seconds that she is within reach, my heart would skip a beat. I know now that this is not a simple infatuation. I love her.

When she has already passed, I would turn around and watch her retreating back. So this is what we'll be like from now on.

Her walking away, with me always watching her back.

* * *

Madge did not fail to notice this.

After seeing me for the nth time turn around and watch Katniss as she passed us by she asked me "Don't you get tired?" she asked.

"Tired of what?" I asked, not getting her question.

"Tired of staying silent. If you like Katniss why don't you tell her?" she said frustrated.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I tried to lie.

"You can't lie to me Peeta. I would know, your ears are turning red" she said. "And even if you could, you cannot lie to yourself"

I was caught. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to lie."

"I'm actually kind of happy it's her you like and not some other girl out there. If it couldn't be me at least it's someone like her. If you want I could try approaching her again. The school year is almost over. She's probably not too busy now." She said.

"Really? That would mean so much to me. Thanks." I said.

"Don't thank me yet. We still don't know what's up with her" she said.

* * *

We were nearing the end of the school year when my bestfriend approached her again.

I watched them from afar, not knowing what they were talking about.

When their conversation ended, Madge walked towards me and I saw Katniss turn around and walk away.

"She's been busy with academics and wanting to top her exams. But I asked her to hang out with us for the summer. However, she would also be busy taking summer classes. And I also think she's under the impression that we are dating" she said looking guilty.

"Where did she get that idea?"

"My fault, I told her before that I liked you. But that's over now, so that we're clear" she said.

Then it occurred to me. No wonder she was giving me that advice. She must have thought I was talking about my bestfriend! I blamed myself inwardly for giving Katniss the wrong impression.

Wait, but why did she have to avoid us? Does it mean she liked me and gave way or was she just being a considerate friend?

I had to know.


	6. Chapter 6 Thunderstorm

KATNISS

Too much dry weather causes the land to break into cracks.

Like the relationship between Peeta, Madge and I, a crack has appeared.

When will this dry season end? Hope is evaporating like water.

Somewhere the air is becoming humid and heavy.

A storm is brewing.

* * *

Without anything better to do and to maintain my excuse for not hanging out with them, I enrolled for summer classes.

I signed up for Creative writing, hoping that I could vent all my frustrated silence into paper. And I heard that Mr Abernathy, the teacher, was good if he wasn't drunk.

I noticed that most of the students were females until I saw him sitting by himself at the back.

I was surprised to see Peeta. "Why is he here?" I thought "and where is Madge?"

In that instance he looked up and for the first time in more than 4 months our eyes met, blue on gray.

His expression neither was happy, sad nor angry. Curiosity filled his eyes.

I was the first to withdraw my eyes. "Why was he looking at me now after months of ignoring me?"

I was suddenly filled with dread of the coming days, knowing that we'll be in close proximity. "How could I avoid him now?"

* * *

On our first day in class, we were asked to write a self-portrait using a 4 line verse then to read it upfront. I liked this activity a lot since it involved writing but I don't know about the speaking part. We were given 30 minutes.

Others have finished with theirs, and then my turn was called. I was hoping Peeta was not paying attention. I read it looking down on the floor.

_Outside I'm like everyone else_

_But Inside I'll always be me_

_No one will know who I am_

_Nor the child inside of me_

When it was his turn, I pretended not to listen and did not look at him but actually paid close attention.

_Ever dreaming, mostly wondering_

_Constantly wishing, patiently waiting_

_Keep on trying, never quitting_

_Always always hoping_

I was perplexed by his self-portrait. "What did he mean? What was he hoping for?"

Soon everyone was finished with their introduction. Our first lesson was over.

Everyone was heading out when the Mr. Abernathy called me.

"So are you telling us Ms. Everdeen that you like keeping things to yourself and then go on pretending?"

I couldn't answer knowing that he gets me. Saying yes would be suicide and saying no would just sink the blade in deeper.

"Don't be scared to put your feelings out, you're in creative writing, let your inner child loose. Some things are better let out than in. It's like coughing, sneezing, vomiting, peeing, shitting and love" he advised.

I laughed at the first five. "He's smart and funny if not a little crazy." I thought. But I could not laugh at love. If only it were that easy.

* * *

The next few days were a blur. We were assigned various writing exercises on certain topics and were graded accordingly.

However on the second week, Mr. Abernathy gave us an assignment and asked us to work in pairs. The exercise was to write separate pieces of poetry then make them seemingly as one. It was to be presented before the week ends. I was already sensing a dilemma.

As we were going home, the other students had no trouble pairing up since most of them knew each other, and they were already talking about what to do.

I was debating with myself as I was walking out of class to go home. I knew no one else here except Peeta, thanks to my hermit ways, but I did not want to ask him. It seemed like he didn't know anyone else either because he soon approached me.

"Uhmm, do you want to be my partner?" he asked.

I couldn't believe him. "What! after more than 4 months, not even a hello Katniss first?!" I said before I could stop myself. The repressed emotions I have were bubbling to the surface.

He seemed taken aback. "Hey! Don't blame me. You were the one who avoided us remember?" he shot back.

"I was just busy with schoolwork. But it was not as if you were dying to talk to me. You ignored me for more than 4 months!" I said indignantly.

"Well, I didn't know and you didn't tell us. How was I supposed to react with your sudden withdrawal? I thought you were avoiding us on purpose! I thought you wanted to be left alone!" he replied evenly.

"Why should I have to explain myself?!" I felt myself getting trapped in a corner.

I did not want to tell him the real reason why. I was overwhelmed with the feelings that were coursing through me. For the first time I was able to say what I felt.

I was also getting confused with his reaction. Was he also affected?

The word war we were having must have reached the sky. I did not notice that it has become an ominous gray. Lightning flashed overhead closely followed by thunder. Huge drops of rain suddenly fell and we both became increasingly drenched.

I was completely stunned by the turnout of events. Heavy rain poured while the sky was lit by lightning and the air reverberated with thunder.

It was raining again, not just any rain but a thunderstorm.


	7. Chapter 7 Aftermath

PEETA

"Uhmm, do you want to be my partner?" I mustered all my courage to ask her. Since joining her for summer class, this was the first time I talked to her.

I enrolled for her writing class even if I wasn't good at it, because I wanted to be close to her again. Madge supported me and decided she'd go to Europe with her parents to have a vacation and made me promise to update her.

I was glad that the opportunity came when the professor asked us to work in pairs. I have a perfectly good reason to approach her.

"What! after more than 4 months, not even a hello Katniss first?!" I was surprised by her sudden outburst.

I was taken back that what came from my mouth was "Hey! Don't blame me. You were the one who avoided us remember?"

"I was just busy with schoolwork. But it was not as if you were dying to talk to me. You ignored me for more than 4 months!" she said indignantly.

Now it's my fault? I don't understand her. "Well, I didn't know and you didn't tell us. How was I supposed to react with your sudden withdrawal? I thought you were avoiding us on purpose! I thought you wanted to be left alone!"

"Why should I have to explain myself?!" she said.

Doesn't she know what she did? She made me crazy for more than 4 months just watching her back from a distance. I tried so hard to suppress my feelings for her. Up to now, I still don't know what she's thinking.

Suddenly the sky opened up and heavy rain fell complete with thunder and lightning. We were instantly soaked so we ran for the nearest cover.

* * *

KATNISS

We took shelter in a waiting shed.

I was huddled on the bench shivering. He was also sitting on the opposite end. He must have seen me shivering so he came near me.

"Let's huddle close so you'd get warm or we could just sit with our backs together" he said when he saw my expression stiffen.

We were silent, sitting with our backs pressed together. I was watching the rain fall, thinking what a sneaky friend it was appearing at a time like this.

He broke the silence. "Do you want to be my partner?"

It was raining again, it was our moment together. I shouldn't be wasting this gift of time.

"Yeah sure" I said.

"So you've been busy, huh?" he said.

"Yeah, got stuck with the books" I lied.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you" he said.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you" I said honestly.

"Don't do that again, okay?" he said.

"I can't promise that you know." I said. "And besides-"

"It sucks not being with you." He said.

Hearing those from him melted my heart. And the wall I built around me crumbled.

"Same here" I answered back.

The rain continued to pour, just like in my dreams, only this time he was still here.

"Looks like it's you and me for the summer." He said. "Madge has abandoned us for Europe. Not that I blame her."

Friend? So they're just friends? But who was he referring to when he asked me for advice?

I was no longer thinking of walls. From now on, I promised to be honest with myself. I want him to see me as more than just a friend. But how do I face him and make him notice me?

We were still sitting with our backs against each other. From this position, it was a very long distance. I have to go around the world before I could stand in front of him and face him.

* * *

The rain has quenched the dry earth. Puddles on the ground remains of the heavy rain. In it I see our reflection.

We were back, as to what I don't know. I don't want to be friends again with him. I suck as a friend. Maybe we weren't really friends in the first place.

He was my friend's bestfriend, the boy I liked, the boy I love.

* * *

PEETA

I walked her home, just like the first time.

"We're here" I announced as we stood outside her gate.

"Thank you, Peeta." she said.

"I'll be going ahead" I said.

"See you tomorrow?"

My heart skipped a beat. "For what?" I said excitedly.

"For class, we have a class tomorrow. And we still have to think about our assignment." She said, bemused with my reaction.

"Oh right! Yeah see you tomorrow" I said and went home with hope in my heart.

In the aftermath of the storm, we were back to being but not the same as we were before. She can't be a friend anymore.

I could not put a name to it, but she was my bestfriend's friend, the girl I liked, the girl I love.


	8. Chapter 8 Afternoon Walks & Rainshowers

KATNISS

Peeta and I spent everyday for the rest of the week together, working on our assignment. Mr Abernathy has extended the deadline seeing that everyone has been having problems.

Good for us. It was difficult working with each other since we both feel like we're walking on eggshells. Nobody wants to mess up again lest we return to the dark ages.

Every afternoon, we'd hang out together trying to write then totally hating what we wrote. At the end of the day, we'd accomplish nothing.

We needed inspiration, something to spark the poet within us.

* * *

Every afternoon since we've reconciled, he has been walking me home.

We were walking home one day, when he asked me why I joined creative writing.

"Katniss, I've been meaning to ask you, why did you join creative writing?" Peeta asked.

I have decided to answer him honestly. "Because I suck at expressing my feelings verbally. Writing has helped me express them without feeling shy or conscious"

"So you're shy at saying things but not in writing them, is that it?" he concluded.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." I said. What is he getting at? I saw him nod his head as if he understood something.

"Could I read some of your works?" he said. "Maybe if I did I would have more idea how to write."

"Oh no! no! no! no! no! Hell no!" I screamed inside my head, thinking about the poems I wrote.

_Pretend_

_Oh if only he'd look at me _

_And see me more than just a friend _

_Then I would stop to pretend_

_That I'm happy_

_But I guess I'll keep on hoping_

_That you'll look at me and see_

_For now I'll wait for the rain to pour_

_So you wouldn't see me cry_

_So I could pretend to smile_

And so many others that were all mushy and lovelorn and all about HIM.

"That's private!" I said. If he joined this class, shouldn't he know how to write? Come to think of it I have never asked him.

"Why did you join this class anyway?" I was curious to know.

"To learn to be romantic" He said.

"Now that is cheesy!" I said, trying to lighten the mood. "Haven't you tried writing to let your feelings out?"

"Nope, I'm more of a verbal kind of guy. I usually speak my mind" he said.

"Then it wouldn't be hard for you" I said.

"Just think of an idea or feeling then let the words flow through your hand and into the paper." I encouraged him.

"Say like right now, what are you thinking of?" I asked.

"Love" he said. "You?"

I was rendered speechless. When did he become this candid?

"Rain" I said as I felt drops of it fall. It seemed like magic for rain to appear out of nowhere.

Because we didn't have any umbrella, he took my hand then we ran. It seemed surreal, running in the afternoon shower and feeling the raindrops against my skin.

My heart was beating fast, not sure anymore whether it was because of the running or because he was holding my hand.

I love afternoon walks and especially afternoon showers. I pray for it to rain everyday.


	9. Chapter 9 Too Much Rain

_You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too that's a part of it_

_- Denzel Washington_

* * *

KATNISS

It has been raining almost everyday since. And I've been spending most of my free time with him, enjoying his company.

But there is always this free-floating anxiety in my stomach waiting for something bad to happen, like my happiness would not last.

* * *

We were hanging out in a coffee shop near our school. We still have few days left before we pass our assignment. Peeta told me he already did his.

"Woah! That fast!" I said, impressed.

"But it's only four lines" he said "so I am not sure if it's any good"

"Don't worry; poems don't have to be too long. The right length is always when you have said all that you want to express. I don't have mine yet. I'll make mine four lines too then"

"And I thought you were good" he said, teasing me.

"Yah! Are you seriously questioning my skills?' I said provoked by his teasing.

"No, I just want to get you goaded. You look cute angry." He said then showed me his breath-taking smile.

I was pouting when he said this but I could not help but smile myself when I saw him smile.

We were enjoying ourselves with idle chitchat when Peeta suddenly froze looking beyond me.

I know that look, it was the look of seeing something you're not supposed to see anymore, someone you're supposed to have forgotten, it was the look of seeing someone from your past.

I turned around to see what Peeta was staring at. She was blonde and pretty, the girl who was also staring back at Peeta, and smiling at him. They even have the same blue eyes, only Peeta's looked better, or maybe I was just biased.

She approached our table and I turned to look at Peeta, who was still fixated on her. He looked as if he was going through a lot of memories in his head, memories of him and the girl.

I bit my inner lip trying not to say something. I know I promised myself to be honest but it's not my place to say anything.

"Hi, Peety, it's been a long while. Was it 2 years?" she said.

"Oh yeah, something like that" he said.

So it is HER.

I remember Madge talking about HER. She told me that she had been Peeta's first girlfriend. They broke up mutually because she would be leaving him. But even when she left, Peeta did not date anyone.

Once again I feel out of place in loving Peeta. First, his bestfriend now his ex-girlfriend. Why am I always competing with blondes? When will I get to have him to myself?

I know Peeta said he likes someone now even if I am unsure if it's me but could his feelings for her still be the same. Does he still love her?

* * *

PEETA

"Hi, Peety, it's been a long while. Was it 2 years?" she said.

I was cut from my recollections of her.

"Oh yeah, something like that" I said.

I was staring at her with mixed emotions after 2 years. I almost forgot I was with Katniss. "Ah I'm sorry this is Katniss, she's my ah…friend" I finished weakly.

How do you introduce to your ex-girlfriend, the girl you love now? And how do you introduce the girl you love when she doesn't even know about it yet?

"Katniss, this is Delly. We go way back" I said.

"Oh I see. Glad to meet you" Katniss said with a small smile and shook hands with Delly.

"Same here" Delly said smiling back.

I looked at Katniss wearing an unreadable expression.

"I gotta go Peeta. I still need to finish my part of the assignment. And I think the both of you should catch up." Katniss said, gathering her stuff before starting to leave.

"Take care" I said.

"Yeah" she said then walked away.

At the pit of my stomach, I have a gnawing feeling that something's not right.

* * *

KATNISS

I went home alone today. It has stopped raining.

Too much of everything is bad for you, even rain.

Too much rain and you get mud.

Sometimes it ruins your new shoes making you stick to the mud. Sometimes you get splattered on by a passing vehicle. Sometimes you slip and fall, the mud too thick, even the rain can't wash it way.


	10. Chapter 10 Clarity

PEETA

We caught up with each other's new life. She says she enjoys it and she's only back for a vacation. I told her about my life and most of what's going on.

"So how are you and Madge? Did you know I was jealous of her before? Are you a couple now?" Delly asked

"Really? I did not know that. Still like before, she and I will remain the best of friends. She's actually vacationing so she's not here" I said.

She was surprised. "Oh! don't tell me you're still hung up on me?"

Was I? I look at her now and she hasn't changed, still as light and warm as the sun. All my memories of her were like that. We always agreed on everything, because she usually had her way. Even with the break-up, we didn't argue. I accepted it. It was painful but bearable.

But then I think about Katniss and I think of rain not that she has a gray and cloudy personality, but because like rain, she has refreshed me. Not too mention those gray eyes of hers that seem to hold an inner storm. I don't mind though, because she's worth it. She makes me feel alive.

Does this mean I'm a masochist? Maybe, but they say pain is proportional to love.

"Will you get mad if I say no?" I asked.

"No. I'm actually glad you've moved on and because I wanted to tell you that I am seeing someone else now." She said.

"That's good." I said relieved.

"So are you seeing anyone?' she asked.

"Yes, but she doesn't know it yet" I said

"Oh! Who? Don't tell me it's the girl you were with, Katniss?!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I haven't told her yet" I said.

"Why?" she asked again, curious.

"I'm still waiting for some sign that she likes me too" I said.

"What for?" she asked, more curious than before.

"Because she told me to" I said

"And you actually listened? You must really love her to suffer for her." She said half-admiringly and half-exasperated. "I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or strangle you."

"Yeah, I know, this sucks. But I'm patient with her and sometimes I feel she feels it for me too. Like everytime it rains her mood changes, she's happy. I have never seen anyone as happy with rain as her."

"Why? What happens when it rains?" She asked, caught up with my lovelife.

"Because most of my fond moments with her happens in the rain" I said.

"Peeta! Are you actually slow or you're being an idiot. Don't you get it.?" She said in frustration.

Get what? Oooh! Now it struck me, maybe she has been letting me know how she feels everytime it rained.

"She seems like a nice girl to me but girls like her don't talk openly with their feelings, you have to draw their feelings out. Good thing I am here to help you. I have a plan" she said.

I was dubious of her plan. "Will it work?"

"Trust me." She said. "Where do you find an ex like me who helps her ex-boyfriend get the love of his life?"

"Nowhere, Thanks a lot" I smiled at her.

* * *

I think of rain and I think of her.

I love the rain and all but sometimes rain just covers everything up.

After the rain, comes clarity.


	11. Chapter 11 Tears

KATNISS

We have submitted our assignments. I'm not sure they go well together. He wrote of happiness, mine of sorrow.

I guess we think differently. The poem must have been about his ex-girlfriend Delly. As usual my poem was about him.

I was waiting for the professor's grade. I guess I was waiting for a sign that would validate us together.

* * *

We were going home when I saw Delly waiting for Peeta outside our classroom. He approached her and she hugged him. Had she been doing this since they met up again?

"Peety, I missed you!" she said. "Let's eat out my treat."

"They just saw each other yesterday!" I thought, annoyed how sweet she was and how easily she can say those things to Peeta when I couldn't even say take care, without mustering much courage. I was walking past them, hurrying to disappear when she called me.

"Katniss, why don't you come join Peety and me." She invited.

"Why does life always treat me as a third wheel?" I thought. "Sorry, I still have a few things to do. Maybe next time" I said trying to sound apologetic.

"I won't take no for an answer" she said. "You can ask Peety, how persistent I am."

"Come on, Katniss, she doesn't know the word no, rather she doesn't care even if you say no. Because it makes no difference, she always gets what she wants." Peeta said.

"Is that so? Does she want Peeta back?" I thought gloomily. "Why bother feeding me then stabbing me in the heart?"

* * *

We ate at the pizza pasta place where Peeta, Madge and I used to frequent.

Looking back, I prefer having Madge as a competition. Even if she was a wall between me and Peeta, I still get to have stolen moments with him. But with Delly, I don't stand a chance. She was Ms. Sunshine always hanging around him. Her sunny disposition is driving the rain away.

I was sitting in the booth opposite Peeta, while they were sitting side by side.

We were waiting to place our orders, sitting quietly when I saw her hold his hand over the table while Peeta simply let her.

I looked away, pretending to be busy reading the menu. I was dreading the long stretch of time ahead of us. I loved eating, but how could I swallow food when my heart is in my throat bursting to escape and mope alone?

After placing our orders and having them served, we started to eat. Delly was doing a fine job of feeding Peeta forkfuls of carbonara.

"Here Peety, eat some more, you love this right?" she said, placing another forkful in his mouth.

I couldn't hold it in any longer so I butted in. "Actually he likes the pesto more"

She looked at me, surprised. "Really? He used to order this a lot"

"Katniss is right. I love pesto more. I only order this before because it was your favorite" Peeta said, looking at me amused that I know his favorite pasta.

"That was so sweet of you, Peety. But you could have told me. It wouldn't hurt me if you ordered something else" she said pouting.

We proceeded to eat in silence, occasionally disrupted by her fussing over Peeta, wiping his mouth or handing him his soda.

I was forcefully swallowing the oil and seafood I ordered, not tasting it anymore even if it was my favorite. I was reaching my boiling point, wondering if self-combustion was indeed possible.

After eating, Peeta excused himself to the washroom. I was left alone with Delly.

"Katniss, how long have you known Peeta?" she asked.

"About 2 years" I said.

"How did you meet him?" she asked again.

"His bestfriend, Madge was also my friend. We met in kindergarten before she moved away and when I studied here, I met her again and she introduced me to Peeta" I said.

"So you and Peeta are also close, right?"

"Kind of, I guess." I said.

"Do you think he still loves me?" Delly asked, rather forwardly.

"Does she really want me to answer that?" I thought. "I don't know. I don't think I'm in the position to answer that for him" I replied.

"But you've known him for the last 2 years I was away. Things could have changed. Tell me, does he love someone else now?" she asked again.

In my mind, I replayed the conversation we had months ago, the conversation that had started all my misunderstandings about him and his bestfriend.

* * *

Flashback

"Katniss, can I ask you something?"

"What about?"

"Well, you seemed like someone I could talk to. I have a problem, it's about a girl."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You see I like a girl and I don't know if she likes me back"

"Is this girl close to you?"

"Yes. But I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that if I tell her I might ruin our friendship"

"Then maybe you shouldn't"

"But what if we were meant to be?"

"Then wait for her to tell you she likes you"

"Isn't confessing a man's job?"

"In this instance, when you are afraid to risk your friendship with her then wait for her to give you a sign that your feelings are reciprocated."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it's the best way to save face in case she doesn't"

"Yah! I'm being serious here"

"When you're meant to be, you're meant to be. Love always finds a way"

"Thank you. I'll trust your words"

"Sure. What are friends for?"

* * *

I've frequently thought about this the past few days. Not to assume or anything, but could he be talking about me? This mental and emotional confusion has me on the edge of confessing to Peeta but Delly's words have left me questioning myself.

Seeing Delly and knowing she was probably still in love with Peeta, made me feel for her. He did love her first. Maybe Peeta still has feelings for her and he'll remember why he loved her.

Great! I was once again doomed to sacrifice my own happiness.

"Why is it that I never stand up for my own love?" I thought. Being selfless isn't healthy for me. I was already bordering on being a pathologic forfeiter, first, for Madge and now for Delly.

"I don't think so. How could he, when he has you?" I said, trying to cheer her up even as I was feeling choked up inside.

"Hey, can you say goodbye to Peeta for me? I still have to do something else and I'm sure you need time to talk. Goodluck and I wish both of you happiness" I said so I could escape quickly before my dam of tears break.

I hurriedly got my bag and headed for the exit.

* * *

Going out, I was welcomed by perfectly good weather. I ran as fast as I could.

Tears were falling one after the other, falling and evaporating into thin air.

There was no rain to hide in, no rain to wash away the pain, no rain to call my friend.

The rain was inside me, threatening to come out, pouring from my eyes like the salty taste of despair and drowning the broken fragments of my heart in a sea of melancholy.


	12. Chapter 12 Love

**_Love and Rain_**

_By Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen_

_Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub._

_Goes the rhythm of my heart_

_I feel a lingering flutter _

_As love takes flight_

_Drop. Drop. Drop._

_Tears fall from the sky _

_Like translucent pearls,_

_Fragile as they hit the ground_

* * *

KATNISS

I came to class late, trying to avoid him. I sat in my seat immediately as Mr Abernathy walked in. He handed out our grades.

Wouldn't you believe it! We received an A, Peeta and I.

"I would like to congratulate everyone for a job well done. I'll dismiss all of you early today as I have a faculty meeting." he said and dismissed us.

"Ms Everdeen, please stay." He said.

"You submitted love and rain with Mr Mellark, I believe." he said.

I nodded to confirm.

"And I think I wouldn't be wrong if I guess that he wrote of love and you wrote of rain?"

Again, I nodded my head.

"It seems that you two wrote about two different things entirely, like oil and water. Why is that so?" he asked.

"Because we probably felt differently at that time." I reasoned.

"Not to intrude or anything, is there something wrong between the 2 of you?"

Nothing was wrong but then nothing was right either. "Things are just as they were." I managed to say.

"If you say so, but seriously you are one sad kid. Stop standing underneath rainclouds all the time. It does not do well drowning in your own tears. Life gives us different weathers, but we can choose whether to endure it or not. If you get rain, you can choose to get drenched, open an umbrella or live someplace else entirely. You're still young to fall for heaven's whims. Think about it" he said before he left me.

* * *

I was thinking about Mr Abernathy's words as I was going home.

Standing in the rain and getting drenched has always been my style, hiding my feelings even if it hurts. And I don't really want to subject myself again to pain by staying away from him.

Should I open up to him then? Thinking of just saying it upfront to Peeta, all consequences be damned makes my heart pound. For once, I was going to put myself first.

I was searching for Peeta, in all the usual places. His back was turned when I saw him at the parking lot, I shouted to call him but then I saw him with Delly.

They were hugging each other.

I was too late.

* * *

DELLY

Peeta was waiting for me at the school parking lot. I have to leave tomorrow and wanted to see him. He thanked me for the visit and wished me well.

He hasn't changed, my Peety. I hugged him and he hugged me back.

That was when I heard Katniss shout his name. He turned around and saw her running away.

He looked back at me, his blue eyes wide in panic. It would be so like Katniss to run away and assume things.

"Go." I said.

"But-" he tied to say something but I cut him.

"Tell her you love her, before it's too late."

He seemed to understand and ran after Katniss.

Katniss is lucky, and so is Peeta. I wish those two idiots would finally own up to their feelings.

I came back to fix my mistake but it turns out I fixed another's.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

I am gazing at the back of the boy I love running after the girl he loves, and wishing for them to be happy.


	13. Chapter 13 and Rain

_I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other_

_ -Billy Bob Thornton_

* * *

PEETA

I was running after Katniss, calling her name but she wouldn't turn.

And just like in the movies, and for most of our time together, rain fell magically upon us.

"Katniss, aren't you tired of running?" I asked.

And just like that she stopped.

She slowly turned towards me, and even with the rain I could see that she was crying.

"Running is what I do well. I am perfectly fine with running." She said, trying to steady her voice.

"Away from me?" I asked hurt. I couldn't believe how she could think of doing that to me.

"Yes." She said, her voice finally breaking.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because-

I did not let her finish what she had to say. Lots of words have been exchanged over the whole course of our time with each other, and nothing was settled. Instead I acted on what I felt.

I rushed towards her and crashed my lips to hers, holding her body tightly to mine.

* * *

KATNISS

"Because-

Peeta crashed towards me and kissed me. I was shocked initially as to why he was doing this. But my emotions and rain overruled me so I kissed him back with as much fervor.

We kissed as if we were thirsty, drinking the rain from each others lips. We kissed each other until the need we felt was satiated.

We did not break from each others hold, our foreheads resting upon each others.

"Why?" I asked, my chest heaving from the passionate kiss and from exploding with too much emotion.

He lifted my chin, intense blue meets stormy gray.

"Because I love you"

"But I thought-"

"Stop thinking and enjoy the moment. It's raining. There is no else for me but you. I love you Katniss"

It was like an arrow to my heart. I can't help but cry this time out of happiness. He loves me.

"I love you too, Peeta. I have always loved you."

Finally I was able to say what I've been keeping from him, the words I have foolishly whispered behind a curtain of rain.

* * *

We were walking home hand in hand, sopping wet.

Rain was indeed my friend today.

The boy I loved, he loved me too.

I don't know what will happen from now on, but there is one thing I am most certain of.

I no longer have to wait for rain.

* * *

_Love happens a lot like rain_

_It is hard to predict when it will fall_

_But you absolutely know _

_When you're already getting wet_


End file.
